We the People is a web page that the White House created to let people create petitions that get official responses when enough people sign. Unsurprisingly, the official responses are disappointing and wishy-washy, like this one about the phrase “under God”, which was added to the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954.
Nevertheless, someone seems to have come up with a petition guaranteed to receive the consideration it demands:
Since these petitions are ignored apart from an occasional patronizing and inane political statement amounting to nothing more than a condescending pat on the head, we the signers would enjoy having the illusion of success. Since no other outcome to this process seems possible, we demand that the White House immediately assign a junior staffer to compose a tame and vapid response to this petition, and never attempt to take any meaningful action on this or any other issue. We would also like a cookie.